I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize