im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
