you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
