Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Girls should come with a carfax report
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
