I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
