I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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