You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
