they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
