I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize