am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize