she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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