I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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