Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh god it's open bar.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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