Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
