So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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