I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
