Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
