Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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