My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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