some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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