There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
