I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
