did you get engaged???
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
