She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
