just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
