a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
