I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
