new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
