just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
