I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You ruined the universe
Randomize
