Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
