I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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