What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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