yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
