your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
