Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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