after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
