Don't you send me to vm
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
