I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
