Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
