I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
