We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
