OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
