Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
