So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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