We named our party play list daddy issues
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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