I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
