I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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