At least make sure they are 18
Why
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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