I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize