I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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