you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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