Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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