my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he shaved USA in his pubs
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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