I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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