Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
