Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
