I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
