why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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