I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
